blue prints were too sad so they made them yellow.

I am Marah.
20 years old.
West Chester, PA.
I’m really getting used to being here alone, a lot less lights need to be on for me to be comfortable at night. It’s almost weird imagining my roommates coming back, like they are visiting my house or something. Winter breaks definitely felt that way. I took a drive and found some amazing houses near town, I considered what it would be like to end up living in West Chester later in life. Ultimately I don’t think I want to stay in my college town, or any town I’ve lived in so far for that matter. My boyfriend is studying computer engineering, working on getting a bachelors and masters in 5 years time. This is relevant because he is most likely sleeping over at a lab on campus tonight because of something called “debugging”. Summer. I miss you, Mommy. I feel guilty for not visiting where she is buried (it’s really weird talking about physical ways she is gone, I really didn’t want to type ‘grave’ but I just did) I guess I am scared. And aware of the fact that nothing is really there. I love you.

I’m really getting used to being here alone, a lot less lights need to be on for me to be comfortable at night.

It’s almost weird imagining my roommates coming back, like they are visiting my house or something. Winter breaks definitely felt that way.

I took a drive and found some amazing houses near town, I considered what it would be like to end up living in West Chester later in life. Ultimately I don’t think I want to stay in my college town, or any town I’ve lived in so far for that matter.

My boyfriend is studying computer engineering, working on getting a bachelors and masters in 5 years time. This is relevant because he is most likely sleeping over at a lab on campus tonight because of something called “debugging”.

Summer.

I miss you, Mommy.

I feel guilty for not visiting where she is buried (it’s really weird talking about physical ways she is gone, I really didn’t want to type ‘grave’ but I just did) I guess I am scared. And aware of the fact that nothing is really there.

I love you.

Two years ago I saw Sufjan Stevens at the Academy of Music and he did not play The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades.

I just felt like mentioning that.

Also I am seeing my all time fave, Modest Mouse, (and Built to Spill) twice during the road trip me and Julian are going on in June, only the best of things.

I am lucky.

Updates in my life:

4.0 again, hollla

Almost not sick

Cleaning rampage in the kitchen

Vacuumed the living room

Happier than ever with Julian

Successful tense phone call with my brother

Had a pleasant 22 minute phone conversation with my father

No more diet soda(still can’t believe this)

A lot of tea

Oh yeah, its summer

animalstalkinginallcaps: LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME IN MY EYES. DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME? A SUMMER HOBBY? THIS IS DEADLY SERIOUS BUSINESS AND YOU’RE BEHAVING LIKE AN AMATEUR. A NOBODY. YOU MISSED HALF YOUR CUES ON A ROUTINE WE PRACTICED FOR WEEKS. DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SWIMSUIT DISASTER. The lights were too bright! I wasn’t prepared for the added pressure of audience scrutiny! I DON’T HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPRESS MY DISAPPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW. But I wasn’t- SHHHHHHH. DON’T TALK. JUST SIT THERE IN YOUR SHAME.

animalstalkinginallcaps:

LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME IN MY EYES. DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME? A SUMMER HOBBY? THIS IS DEADLY SERIOUS BUSINESS AND YOU’RE BEHAVING LIKE AN AMATEUR. A NOBODY. YOU MISSED HALF YOUR CUES ON A ROUTINE WE PRACTICED FOR WEEKS. DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SWIMSUIT DISASTER.

The lights were too bright! I wasn’t prepared for the added pressure of audience scrutiny!

I DON’T HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPRESS MY DISAPPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW.

But I wasn’t-

SHHHHHHH. DON’T TALK. JUST SIT THERE IN YOUR SHAME.

I know I’ve said this before, but the odds of us actually playing Freebird-there are no odds. It’s not going to happen. I’ll start with the first reason: We have no idea how to play Freebird. The second reason is: In the lovebugs natural habitat that would just fucking kill ‘em. You wouldn’t want that, they’re adorable. Thirdly, even if some, pick your deity, whoever, came down from the heavens or whatever, the hills, wherever your deity lives, some shit, themselves and blessed us with this vast knowledge of Freebird and we could play it backwards, we could sing backwards, all that crazy shit, we still just wouldn’t do it. If this were the Make A Wish Foundation and you were going to die in 20 minutes, just long enough to play Freebird, we still wouldn’t play it. And here’s the end reason. The end reason is that life is too fucking short to play or hear Freebird.

—Issac Brock, Modest Mouse (via butterfieldlings)

(via fuckyeahmodestmouse)